And That’s Why "Executive Dysfunction" Totally Belongs on My Resume
THE BLUE FILES
There’s something about a man in a suit, or even just the suit itself hanging on a door silently judging me for not ironing it, that triggers the worst case of word vomit.
And if the person in the suit wants to hire me for a job and asks me any questions (How do you manage difficult situations? What are you passionate about? What’s your greatest accomplishment? Or, worse, Do you have any questions?) the word vomit turns into 3 a.m. tequila vomit, and suddenly everyone’s backing up, cringing, pretending not to know me.
Before I know it, I’m waist-deep in unnecessary over-explanation about my dog’s nipples, one-sidedly debating whether European models are really qualified to predict hurricanes, and, thanks to my new diagnosis, questioning if “Executive Dysfunction” really belongs on my resume just because the word “executive” is in it. (Yes. It does.)
In these moments, I have nothing to hide. Except maybe my breakfast, because two hard-boiled eggs and a banana is an HR trap.
That’s why all of these essays are things Tom (and professional development workshops) tell me I shouldn’t bring up in job interviews.
Anymore.
And also why I work for myself now.
ALL POSTS FILED UNDER
And That’s Why Executive Dysfunction Totally Belongs on My Resume
And That's How I Used Bacon to Solve World Hunger...
Once, on a train, I was sitting next to some guy and I pulled out my phone to take a secret picture of his crotch.
A Literary Doomscroll is a social media essay anthology based on the upcoming book Does This Couch Make My Ass Look Fat?, written by Diana Davis, whose rapid-association genius is often mislabeled as ADHD by the neurotypical.


